


You Can Let Go

by westwingfanfictioncentral_archivist



Category: The West Wing
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, Children, F/M, Family, Friendship, Hurt/Comfort, Post Bartlett Administration, Tragedy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2008-08-24
Updated: 2008-08-24
Packaged: 2019-05-30 11:43:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,790
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15096014
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/westwingfanfictioncentral_archivist/pseuds/westwingfanfictioncentral_archivist
Summary: It's very hard to let go.





	You Can Let Go

**Author's Note:**

> A copy of this work was once archived at National Library, a part of the [ West Wing Fanfiction Central](https://fanlore.org/wiki/West_Wing_Fanfiction_Central), a West Wing fanfiction archive. More information about the Open Doors approved archive move can be found in the [announcement post](http://archiveofourown.org/admin_posts/8325).

  
Author's notes: Warning:Character death.  


* * *

"Where are the kids?" Abbey inquires breathlessly as she follows her  
husband through the parking lot to their Prius.

"My parents picked them up from school at three. They're all  
waiting for more news at the hospital," Noah replies, sliding into the  
driver's seat as Abbey ducks into the passenger seat.  
Abbey quickly speed dials her mother's number from her Blackberry  
while silently cursing the devise for not receiving her calls while  
she was in the basement of the building holding the environmental  
summit in Maryland.

"Hi, honey," comes the familiar voice on the other line.

"Mom, I'm so sorry. I couldn't get any reception here. I missed  
all your calls."

"That's okay. I guess Noah tracked you down?" CJ is relieved.  
She had been trying to call Abbey for hours now. After she called Noah  
at work, Noah told her that he would drive to Maryland to pick up his  
wife.

"Yeah, we're just leaving now. But it took Noah a couple hours to  
get here. There's a bad accident and the traffic is terrible. We'll  
get there as soon as we can. How is he?" Abbey tries to calm her  
pounding heart that has been in warp speed since Noah pulled her out  
of her meeting to deliver the awful news.

"I don't know, sweetheart. They just brought him out of surgery and  
we can't get into the recovery room yet. The doctors said it was a  
bad heart attack. I…I just don't know any more yet. I'm so worried."

"Just hang in there, Mom. We're on our way. How're the kids?"  
Abbey's concerned about how the children are coping. Last time he had  
a heart attack, the previous summer, they were at summer camp and by  
the time they returned after the two weeks, he was already back at  
home and recovering well.

"Jordan's trying to do her homework and Liam's a nervous wreck.  
I think Josh is going to take them downstairs to get a snack from the  
cafeteria." CJ sighs out loud as she watches Liam pacing around the  
room. Donna tries to coax the six year-old into taking a seat like the  
rest of the group, to no avail.

"Okay. I'll talk to them in a minute. Is Pat there yet?"Abbey  
closes her eyes and tries to consider what she can do to help her  
family until she arrives at the hospital.

"Yeah. He was here earlier, but he's gone back to our house to get  
me a change of clothes and toiletries for the night. I think he's  
going to stop by your house to get the kids some clothes so they can  
change out of their uniforms and pick up some toys to bring Liam, as  
well. Donna called Ella and Davy about an hour ago, but they won't be  
able to get here until tomorrow. They're both still working. Honey,  
the doctor is here now. Can you call back later?" CJ watches as Josh  
shakes hand with the surgeon and introduces the family.

"Okay, Mom. Good luck. I love you, and when you see him…"Abbey  
takes in a ragged breath." Tell him I love him and I'll get there as  
soon as I can."  
"I will, sweetie. Love you." CJ disconnects the call.

Noah stretches out his right hand to gently squeeze Abbey's left  
hand. "What's going on?"

"He's out of surgery now. The doctor just came to talk to them.  
The kids are quite worried, but it sounds like your parents are trying  
to distract them." Abbey brings her other hand to her face to wipe at  
a couple stray tears.

" Don't worry, we'll get there. He'll be okay. Your father's a  
fighter." Noah attempts vainly to comfort his wife and reassure her,  
seeing the obvious worry in her eyes.

"This is his second heart attack in less than a year. He's not a  
young man anymore. He's nearly eighty-five." Growing up, Abbey had  
always known her parents were older than most of her peers' parents.  
It had always been a reality she had to deal with. It wasn't until  
they discovered her father's heart condition last summer that she  
truly understood her father's mortality. She should be grateful that  
she had a strong wonderful father for thirty-seven years. But she  
can't help but dread the day that he would leave her.

" I know, darling. It isn't easy for you. But try not to think  
about the worst right now. We don't have any details. Let's just get  
to the hospital and take it from there." Noah glances at Abbey for a  
second. Her sullen face suddenly sports a tiny smile. "What are you  
smiling about?"

"I just remembered something…" Abbey admits.

\- * *  
Flashback to September 2013…….  
Wind blowin' on my face  
Sidewalk flyin' beneath my bike  
A five year-old's first taste  
Of what freedom's really like  
He was runnin' right beside me  
His hand holdin' on the seat  
I took a deep breath and hollered  
As I headed for the street

 

You can let go now, Daddy  
You can let go  
Oh, I think I'm ready  
To do this on my own  
It still feel a little bit scary  
But I want you to know  
I'll be okay now, Daddy  
You can let go

"You ready, princess?" Danny grips the plastic hand grip with one  
hand and the plush bicycle seat with the other hand.

"Ready!" Abbey announces proudly, checking the strap on her  
helmet to make sure it's on tightly.

"Okay, honey, start pedalling. And remember, I won't let go until  
you say so." Danny inhales sharply, still in disbelief that his little  
girl is big enough to be learning to ride a two-wheeler without  
training wheels. CJ hadn't been thrilled about the idea of Danny  
removing the girl's training wheels, but Abbey insisted she was ready  
now. CJ waves to them from the porch where has a camera set up to  
take pictures. Patty is busy pushing his toy cars around a plastic  
racing mat.  
After the wheels spin around a few times, Abbey finds her balance and  
begins pedalling a little faster down the street, Danny jogging  
alongside with his hand on the seat supporting her.

"Okay, Daddy, I'm ready. You can let go now." Abbey grins at her  
hero for a few seconds before re-directing her attention to the  
sidewalk in front of her.

"Alright, sweetie. I'm letting go. You're doing it all by  
yourself now." Danny draws his hand back and watches as Abbey rides  
down the street.

\- * *  
CJ tentatively lays her hand across Danny's sunken cheek as she  
perches on the side of the hospital bed. With the I.V and various  
tubes snaking around his face and body and his face drained of his  
usual pinkish tinge, CJ sees a fragile frame of her husband struggling  
to take in the oxygen from the tube. He looks so small and frail, like  
he's barely clinging to life. She finally allows a few previously  
held-back tears to seek their escape down a hot trail along her cheek.  
The water droplets drip onto Danny's face and cause him to painfully  
open his eyes.

"Hey," Danny struggles to get the syllable out of his dry,  
scratchy throat.

Sobbing, CJ gives in and drops her head gently to Danny's  
shoulder, crying unabashedly against him.

Licking his sore lips, Danny manages to take in a deep ragged  
breath. "Who…died?" He finally gets his joke out.

Exhaling sharply, CJ sits up and composes herself, laying a hand  
over Danny's stone-cold one. "That's not funny. You scared the hell  
out of me."

"I'm…fine," Danny breathes out with trouble.

"I don't think you are, darling. The doctor said it was very bad  
and did a lot of damage to your heart. I just don't understand how  
this happened. You took your medication every day, I eliminated salt  
and red meat from your diet. We did everything we were supposed to. I  
don't understand the problem," CJ admits wearily.

"I'm…eighty-five…with a…heart…condition. That's the…problem,"  
Danny responds honestly. He has to shut his eyes, he simply is drained  
of energy. "Claudia…"

Rubbing his hand through her fingers, CJ waits earnestly for him  
to finish his sentence."What is it, sweetheart?"

"The Lord…is…calling me…home." Danny manages to open his eyes  
again and stare into his wife's clear blue eyes-the ones he had been  
able to stare into without reservation for the last thirty-eight  
wonderful years.

CJ lips tremble and she brings a hand to her mouth. "No, no, no,  
Danny. I'm not ready. It's not time yet. We…we haven't had enough time."

"It'll…be…okay," Danny attempts to squeeze his wife's hand but he  
simply doesn't possess the strength to. "I am  
grateful…for…these…amazing years…together. We have…been so…blessed.  
I…" He silently curses this heavy feeling all over him, preventing him  
from being able to speak normally without pauses and sit himself  
up."Love you…so…much. Thank…you...for…everything."

"What am I going to do without you?" CJ wonders aloud. Danny has  
closed his eyes again, and CJ decides it would be better to let him  
rest. "Honey, I'm just going to go back out to the waiting room and  
let you get some rest. Everybody's here. Well, except Abbey and Noah.  
I couldn't get a hold of her earlier. But they're on their way now.  
And Pat's here, and Jordan and Liam. Josh and Donna are waiting with  
us. I know everybody's waiting to see you. But why don't you just lie  
here and I'll send in the others in a little bit?"

When Danny grunts lowly in response, CJ bends forward to drop a  
soft kiss to Danny's clammy lips. Standing up, CJ tries to pull  
herself together as she heads back to the waiting room. The last thing  
she wants to do is frighten the grandchildren. With Abbey and Noah not  
there to comfort their children, the rest of the adults need to be  
supportive.

"How is he?" Donna inquires as CJ enters the room. She runs a  
hand along CJ's arm to offer some comfort.

"He's very frail and tired. It's hard for him to talk," CJ  
replies, falling into the seat next to Pat.

"Can we see him, Nana CJ?" Jordan inquires, folding up the  
textbook in her lap that she hasn't been able to concentrate on.

CJ tries to smile reassuringly at the kids who are sitting on  
chair across from her with Josh and Donna. "I'll take you and Liam in  
a little later. Papa Danny needs to rest right now."

Pat takes his mother's hand in his and squeezes. He doesn't know  
the appropriate words to say for the moment. He's just trying to be  
as helpful as possible. When CJ glances up to smile gratefully at her  
son, she notices her daughter-in-law, Alexia, has joined the group and  
is sitting next to Pat. "Thanks for coming, sweetie."

Alexia smiles warmly back. "Of course. I would have been here  
sooner but I was with my teen counselling group at the church and I  
wanted to get Mylie some dinner before we came here." Alexia had  
followed in the footsteps of her father, Ted, and became a minister.  
She and Pat married nine years ago (much to CJ's relief as she  
worried endlessly that Pat would never have someone to take care of  
him because his distress in many social settings made it hard for him  
to make new friends and date) and finally, after five stressful years  
of prayer, gave birth to their daughter sixteen months ago. Pat,  
following in the footsteps of his own father, turned out to be an  
attentive husband and doting father, even if he found it all very  
difficult at times. Pat gave up reporting years ago, unable to cope  
with the stress of strict deadlines and meeting the harsh requirements  
of his bosses. Now he works full time on writing novels and opinion  
essays and taking care of Mylie. A couple afternoons each week Alexia  
takes the little girl to the church with her while she works so Pat  
can get uninterrupted time to focus on his work.

"Can I hold her?" CJ asks, reaching for the baby in Alexia's lap.  
When Alexia nods, CJ scoops the little girl into her arms and resumes  
her seat.

"I think I'll take the kids home with me tonight so Pat and  
Abbey and Noah can be here with you," Alexia offers. Josh and Donna  
offered to keep the three grandchildren at their house, but Pat and  
Alexia felt like it would be too much for the elderly couple. Josh  
and Donna were still active and could baby-sit the kids, and Jordan  
was old enough to help out with her brother, but sometimes Liam and  
Mylie's energy levels could be too much for Josh to keep up with.

"That's fine. We'll see what Abbey wants to do. I'm fine here by  
myself if PJ and Abbey want to be home with the kids." CJ doesn't  
want everyone to stay a the hospital worrying about her.

\- * *  
"What's the latest news?" Noah inquires as Abbey ends the  
conversation on her phone. He's trying to get back to Virginia as fast  
as he can, but he doesn't want to get them into an accident. He can  
tell Abbey is anxious to get to her father's bedside.

"Mom went in to see him. She says he looks exhausted and sore.  
Pat and Alexia are in there now. Your parents took Jordan and Liam  
down to the cafeteria to get some dinner." Abbey runs a hand through  
her mess of curls and leans back against her seat. "Mom says it  
doesn't look good. She's worried about what she's going to do when he  
dies."

"Abbey, you don't know that he's going to die now. He could live  
for years." Noah doesn't know what to say. There doesn't seem to be  
many comforting words to offer his wife, and he hates that feeling. He  
should be able to make her world better again.

"Noah," Abbey turns around in her seat to look at Noah directly.  
"You have to work very hard not to let anything bad happen to you. I  
don't…I don't know what I would ever do without you."

"It's not an easy thing to think about. But if something ever  
happened to me, you'd have to move on with your life and look after  
the kids. I'd want you to find somebody new and get married and find  
happiness. I'd want to know there would be a great man to take care of  
you and the kids and help you raise them." Noah truly wants Abbey to  
be happy for the rest of her life in the event that he should die and  
not be able to provide for her emotional needs anymore and help her  
raise their children.

"Noah, I'm perfectly capable of taking care of myself and the  
kids by myself. Not that I don't value your contribution, but I  
wouldn't need to go and get re-married to feel complete and secure.  
You're my soul-mate and I'd never want to settle for a man who could  
never fill your shoes."

"Well, I do have rather large feet," Noah teases. "But seriously,  
I'd just want you and the kids to be happy."

"Yeah. And if something happened to me, I'd want you to be happy,  
as well. I'd want you to get re-married to someone who could take care  
of you and help you with the kids. I mean, let's face it, you could  
never cook a hashbrown casserole by yourself or get the stains out of  
your shirts and do all the baking for the kids'school bake sale."

"Hey, last year you bought the brownies because you were too busy  
to bake. And I'm beginning to think you assume that I need a woman in  
my life to take care of me," Noah protests.

"Well, don't you?" Abbey asks seriously.

Sighing, Noah nods. "Yeah. I need you."

"But seriously, I'd want to know that there would be a woman who  
could help Jordan through all the trials of growing up. I mean, she's  
only twelve and she hasn't even got her period yet." Abbey begins to  
become emotional thinking that she possibly might not be there to  
finish parenting their children. The kids are a huge part of them and  
their relationship, and secretly she would feel cheated if she didn't  
get the chance to watch the kids she had nurtured to life grow up and  
become self-sufficient adults.

"Let's not worry about losing each other now. The point is,  
thirteen years ago we stood up before God and our friends and families  
and promised to spend the rest of our lives together in loving  
partnership. And that's what we're going to do unless God decides  
differently for us." Noah once again quickly squeezes Abbey's hand in  
his before bringing it back to the steering wheel.

"Yeah, you're right." Abbey drifts into a day dream, reminiscing  
about their wedding day.

\- * *  
Flashback to May 2032

I was standin' at the altar  
Between the two loves of my life  
To one I've been a daughter  
To one I soon would be a wife  
When the preacher asked,  
'Who gives this woman?'  
Daddy's eyes filled up with tears  
He kept holdin' tightly to my arm  
'Til I whispered in his ear  
You can let go now, Daddy  
You can let go  
Oh, I think I'm ready  
To do this on my own  
It's still a little bit scary  
But I want you to know  
I'll be okay now, Daddy  
You can let go

Danny watches as Abbey and Noah exchange excited glances when  
their eyes lock at the alter. Noah reaches out for Abbey's hand, the  
one that isn't being held by Danny, and is absolutely floored by  
Abbey's beauty in the white silk and lace dress. He wants to say  
something, but his brain can't seem to conjure up a word that would do  
her justice. He settles simply for mouthing `You're gorgeous,' while  
he tries to focus on the words of their minister, Ted Richter.

Abbey is absolutely elated, but a part of her is slightly  
nervous. Even though she and Noah have been together for twelve years  
dating, they're about to enter an incredibly important part of their  
lives that would change things forever. If they had broken up when  
they were younger, that would have been something they could deal with  
relatively easily. But she's determined to only marry once. Noah is  
her divinely pre-destined soul-mate whom she knows she is supposed to  
marry and share her life with. But marriage isn't something to be  
entered into lightly, so a tremendous sense of responsibility fills  
her. It's no longer about pursuing solely her goals and dong what is  
best for her, she and Noah will now have to sacrifice in order to do  
what is best for their family. She feels as if she's finally grow into  
a complete adult. She's well educated and now leaving her family and  
house of origin to go out into the world with the love of her life and  
tackle everything together. It's comforting, exciting and frightening  
all at the same time.

"Who gives this woman?" The good-natured and friendly looking  
black minister and neighbour asks, lowering his gaze to Danny.

This is it, Danny tells himself. The final apron strings are  
about to be cut when he lets go of Abbey's arm. He's losing his little  
girl to the young man who will now be the most important man in her  
life. And while he adores Noah and knows the young man will love Abbey  
unconditionally and take care of her as she moves into the next phase  
of her life, he can't help but be sad that he must let go now. He gave  
her life and nurtured her into an independent young woman so that one  
day she would move out, take control of her career and start a family.  
He wonders silently to himself where the past twenty-five years have  
went. He wishes he could turn back time to when Abbey and Pat would  
snuggle between him and CJ in their massive bed and they would just be  
a loving family. Those were the best years of his life, and now  
they're behind him.

"Daddy?" You can let go," Abbey cautiously tells Danny as she  
gazes lovingly into his eyes and unravels her arms. Taking in a deep  
breath, Abbey nods. "I'm ready. I'll be okay now."

Danny regains his composure and bends closer to drop a kiss to  
Abbey's cheek, careful not to smudge her make-up with his dripping tears.  
\- * *  
"Dad, I think we should let you close your eyes now. You're  
tired." Pat wraps his hand around her father's hand, noticing how the  
normal strength and security he used to receive from his dad's hands  
is gone.

"Wait," Danny implores, his eyes struggling to keep his son's  
gaze. "Promise…promise me…you'll look…after your…sister…and mom.  
You're…the man…now."

Pat fights every instinct inside that wants to cry. He will not  
let Mylie watch him cry. "Of course, Dad. You don't have to worry. I  
love you." Pat leans forward to press his face to his father's for  
probably the last time.

"I love…you…too," Danny says raspily. "So…proud of..you.  
Don't…say…enough."

"Thank you," Pat whispers breathily. He turns to Alexia who is  
sitting on a chair next to the bed, holding their daughter. "Dad,  
Alexia and I found out last week that we're having another baby. And  
we decided that if it's a boy, we're going to name him Daniel." Alexia  
grins at her husband, unable to contain her excitement. A couple of  
years ago, they didn't think they'd ever be able to have children. As  
she usually concedes, Alexia thinks God knows better.

Danny's dry lips quirk into a big smile. "Thank…you."

"Okay, Dad. We're gonna go back outside. Jordan and Liam really  
want to see you, so I think Mom's gonna bring them in next." With one  
last squeeze to his hand, Pat motions to Alexia that they're ready to  
leave.  
\- * *  
"Josh, I think we should go." Donna lays her hand on Josh's  
shoulders, which are slumped over as he watches Danny's eyes grow  
heavy and close.

"Josh…" Danny whispers to get his friend's attention.  
"Please…look…after…CJ…for…me." He's void of energy and struggling to  
talk to everyone this evening. He knows his time is limited.

Josh rests his trembling hand on Danny shoulder and nods  
solemnly. He's near tears now, trying to have a conversation with the  
man who has become a brother to him over the past thirty-seven and  
plus years. "You've got nothing to worry about, pal. We'll always be  
there for CJ and the kids and the grandkids. God, we're gonna miss you  
like crazy." It had become more obvious throughout the day that Danny  
didn't have much time left. Liam had become hysterical trying to say  
goodbye to his grandfather, so CJ and Pat are out in the hall trying  
to soothe the youngster. Josh prays that his son and daughter-in-law  
will arrive soon. The traffic and terrible storm made it a long drive  
from Maryland.  
* * *  
It was killin' me to see  
The strongest man I ever knew  
Wastin' away to nothin'  
In that hospital room  
'You know he's only hangin' on for you'  
That's what the night nurse said  
My voice and heart were breakin'  
As I crawled up in his bed, and said

You can let go now, Daddy  
You can let go  
Your little girl is ready  
To do this on my own  
It's gonna be a little bit scary  
But I want you to know  
I'll be okay now, Daddy  
You can let go  
You can let go

Noah and Abbey are drenched in wet snow as they run through the  
corridors of the hospital to reach the waiting room outside the  
recovery area where Danny is stationed.

Spotting his parents, Liam rushes to greet them as they enter. He  
throws his arms around Abbey's legs and grasps tightly. "Mommy, Papa  
Danny is dying," the little boy cries out loud.

Abbey drops to her knees and pulls her son into her arms. "Oh, baby."

Pat walks up behind Liam and rubs the boy's back soothingly. "You  
should go in now. Mom's in there. Don't worry about the kids. We've  
got them taken care of."

Abbey shares a shaky knowing look with her brother. She hadn't  
grasped until right now how bad the situation is. Jordan is curled  
into Josh's side and weeping openly. "Okay, sweetheart, we're gonna go  
see Papa now. We'll be back. Stay here with Uncle Pat, Aunt Alexia,  
Nana Donna and Papa Josh." Abbey dries Liam's tears with her trembling  
fingers, ruffles the boy's light brown curly hair and kisses his crown.

A nurse directs Abbey and Noah to the private room Danny is in.  
"He's been asking for you since he woke up. He's only waiting for you  
now," the nurses states solemnly as she lets them into the room.

CJ lets out a relieved sigh when Abbey and Noah rush into the  
room. "Thank God. Danny, Abbey and Noah are here, honey. We're all  
here now. It's gonna be okay." CJ steps down to give Abbey room on the  
bed as Danny pries his eyes open with great difficulty. CJ shares a  
brief hug with Abbey as they trade spots, Abbey climbing into the bed  
beside Danny.

"Daddy?" Abbey's voice hitches as she runs a shaky hand down  
Danny's sullen cheek. This frail man looks nothing like the father of  
her youth. He's hanging on with every ounce of strength he can still  
claim and it's obvious that every breath is a battle. Abbey finally  
allows all the emotions she's been experiencing since Noah told her  
the tragic news three hours ago to come seeping out. Her body racks  
with uncontrollable sobs as Noah steadies her from behind. She feels  
her heart shattering with overwhelming pain. She doesn't want to lose  
her hero, but she must concede to the inevitable. She bends down to  
wrap her arm's around his shoulders. "Daddy I love you so much. I  
can't…I can't thank you enough for everything you've done for me. You  
drove me crazy with your over-protectedness when I was a teenager. But  
I'm a parent now and I finally understand exactly why you and Mom did  
what you did. Thank you. Thanks to you Noah and I have had an  
excellent example of parenting and hopefully that will be reflected in  
how our children turn out to be. And I'm sorry for all the grief I  
must have put you through. Sometimes I wonder why you didn't put me up  
for adoption. Hell, if I thought it would be easy I'd give up Jordan  
and Liam. " She laughs awkwardly at her attempt at a joke.

"It's…okay… princess," Danny mumbles, trying desperately to hug  
back. "I love…you…more…than…you…know." He breaks into a coughing fit,  
struggling against everything inside him to calm down. Abbey sits up  
to give him room and waits patiently for her father to settle down  
again. "Noah…look…after…my…girl."

"Of course, Danny. I promised you that when we first started  
dating, when I asked you for your blessing and when we got married.  
Not to mention numerous times between. I will always be there for my  
family. Your daughter is always safe with me." Noah reaches out to  
lightly touch his father-in-law's shoulder.

"Okay. Okay." Danny's heavy lids droop and his body becomes  
limp. It seems that all his energy has been taxed.

Seeing how hard her father is struggling for life," Abbey places  
her hand over his. "It's okay, Daddy. We're all here now. You've had a  
chance to see everyone. If God is calling you home, then it's time.  
Don't worry about us. We'll be okay. We'll take care of Mom… We'll all  
take care of each other…" Abbey inhales sharply, tears burning the  
back of her eyes. She has to do this. Her father isn't the only one  
that has to let go. "You can let go."

A moment later, the heart monitor starts beeping to indicate to  
them that Danny has taken his last breath. He has let go of his  
earthly love in the hopes of reception to some place better where  
there is no more pain and suffering.

The End

Feedback is encouraged and appreciated


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